she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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