There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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