I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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