I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
