It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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