I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
