life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just blew my weed a kiss
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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