so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
