I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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