JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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