yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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