I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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