I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was born a porn star she said
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
