From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
