I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
