my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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