it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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