I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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