I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
