I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
