I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
