walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
