We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
