I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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