alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
