After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
