How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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