I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
