This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
