I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
