we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
