i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
