My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
