Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize