Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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