how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
