He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
