He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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