Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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