Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
