I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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