I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
