I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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