You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
