We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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