This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was born a porn star she said
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
