You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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