It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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