Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize