Christians are straight up FREAKS
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
