so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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