she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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