I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize