Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
