i think i have two assholes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
