Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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