you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
