I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
