bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
