i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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