Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
