My sheets look like a crime scene.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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