Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
