At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We left an ass print on the piano.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
