I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
