she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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