well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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