You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
