I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
