i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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