think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she peed on how many people?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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